So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
