what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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