Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
