I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
