This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
