I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
