the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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