Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
