She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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