i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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