my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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