If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
