Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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