if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
