We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
