all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
