We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
