The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
