I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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