what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
