Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
