Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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