At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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