that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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