Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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