i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
