im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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