Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
