she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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