fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
