You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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