Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
