worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
