he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
