**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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