So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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