she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
