I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
