Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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