This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
