I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
