So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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