she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
