this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
