I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
