He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
