My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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