Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
