My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
