It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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